Things I've learned.....

Well it's been over two months since the War Department went back to work and I took on the role of "Mr. Mom". Here are a few things I've learned so far with a few unanswered questions:

1) When you get into a battle of wills with a three year old you've already lost. End of story.

2) Ketchup isn't just a vegetable, it's a major food group.

3) Baby girls have a grip rivalling that of pro wrestlers, especially when they have a handful of chest hair.

4) How can a four year old eat six chocolate covered donuts in one sitting? I'm 6' 3", weigh over 250 lbs. and I can't do that!

5) Each of my three children have a worm hole in their intestines. They all go to an alternate universe consisting entirely of shit. I know this because it's impossible for any one human to be as full of it as they each are.

6) When I started this gig I swore my children wouldn't watch more than one hour of videos a day. HAH! Can someone tell me how to do that and still get the housework done, the meals cooked, laundry washed & folded, etc. ?

7) Speaking of videos, I'm now convinced Barney is the AntiChrist, the Wiggles are the Four Horsemen, Thomas the train engine is the dragon the Whore of Babylon will ride. Who she might be I haven't figured out yet, maybe Captain Feathersword.

8) Allowing a three year old who isn't potty trained to run naked across a living room is always a bad idea.

9) Having three children under the age of five all take a nap at the same time is like finding virginity in a house of prostitution, it's more a useless intellectual exercise than anything else.

Now excuse me, I have to go help someone make teetee in the potty.