Two prayers....

God's will be done and may He have mercy upon us all.

About Me

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A Catholic who follows Rome & the Magisterium. I'm against gay "marriage", abortion, embryonic stem cell research, euthanasia, human cloning. Altar girls, Communion in the hand, Eucharistic Ministers and "Protestant" music in the Church doesn't bother me at all. A proud American retired submarine sailor. Our borders should be secured with a 10 ft. high fence topped by concertina wire with minefields out to 20 yards on both sides and an additional 10 yards filled with warning signs outside of that Let's get energy independent NOW! Back Israel to the max, stop appeasing followers of the Pedophile Prophet. Pro 2nd Amendment, pro death penalty, Repeal all hate crime legislation. Back the police unless you'd rather call a hippie when everything hits the fan. Get government out of dealing with education, childhood obesity and the enviornment. Stop using the military for sociological experiments and if we're in a war don't micromanage their every move. Kill your television, limit time on the computer and pick up a book. God's will be done and may He have mercy upon us all.

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Sex, marriage and infidelity...

Maybe I sound arrogant but IMO if you cheat on your spouse you've got your head up your ass.

There's a good article on the Washington Post about the topic, how infidelity is on the wane. Here's the link:

I'm working on marriage #3, and "work" is a good description for being successful in any marriage. Some folks luck out and find a spouse so simpatico that they almost read each other's minds. That would be the exception. Others find "that special someone" and spend the rest of their lives together arguing over the most ludicrous things. Another exception, but not so much as the first.

My own marriage is in the middle. The wifely one and I agree on how to raise the kids, who has what household duties and where the dirty laundry goes. Forget about things like the setting of the thermostat, thats a constant war. Married life isn't perfect nor should it be. "They lived happily ever after" is where the real fairy tale starts if you think it doesn't entail some rather lively disagreements at times. Just my opinion.

But to really throw a monkey wrench into the works, all one has to do is start looking elsewhere for companionship. I can't speak to women, their minds are wired differently than men, but if a guy is feeling the need for greater understanding than the wife can give then he should get a dog. End of story.

Honestly, has any man EVER had an affair and said of it afterwards, "Best damned thing I ever did!"? If such a person exists he moves outside my circles. Every man I've known who catted around found himself on the dirty end of the stick sooner or later. The most idiotic one was the guy who kept his "little black book" in his briefcase where the wifely one found it. From what I remember, he was introduced to new intimacy with a frying pan over that one. No exaggeration either, he came to the boat one morning with a kingsized bruise on his face. Seems there isn't much give to Teflon skillets.

As I said, I'm on my third try at matrimonial bliss. Thats due to having lousy judgment during my drinking career, it's also due to being somewhat of an asshole. The same attributes that made me a good supervisor in the military are liabilities in personal relationships. If you want references to that fact I can give you the addresses for my two exes, several former girlfriends and a few passing acquaintances of the feminine persuasion. That Neanderthal avatar I use isn't just a joke, trust me on that one.

But one thing I've NEVER done is cheat. I'll admit that sometimes it was due more to being incapacitated by booze than any high moral standard. But regardless of that, I didn't seriously attempt to find someone else until things were irrevocably broken down and past the point of salvation. Neither divorce involved charges of infidelity.

Again, it wasn't due to saintly standards. I've just felt more often than not then when things are going well there isn't any need to risk screwing them up. Conversely when the relationship is in the toilet why make things worse?

It's been due to a lot of luck too, I've already mentioned that and will stress it further. At the times I would have "gone off the reservation" there was no one so desperate as to take my drunken ass. Getting tanked on whisky will lower the morals, it also decreases your attractiveness in direct proportion to how drunk you get. Believe me, I can get REALLY hammered! But hopefully not today.

Nowadays the lack of desire to stray is even stronger. I finally found a woman who will put up with my misogynistic, Neanderthalic, misanthropic attitudes & behaviors. Took a long time but I DID find her!

Another thing going for potential success in this marriage is being 58 years of age and having seen my share of fools who let the little head take over the function of the big head. Learning from the mistakes of others helps decrease the likelihood of personal pain. So if you're a guy who cheated and are reading this, you have my thanks. You went through the wringer of personally screwing up so I wouldn't have to. At least not in that area. I'm sure there are some things I've done that act to put the shoe on the other foot.

Finally, maturity DOES eventually kick in for all of us. In this I'm reminded of a situation that played out a few years ago on a local playground. I was sitting on a bench watching my boys when this attractive fortyish woman sat down on the other end and started a conversation. It devolved into her openly flirting with me, letting me know her husband was out of town and golly gee she was just killing time all by herself with her grandson because she'd locked herself out of her house and whatever would she do now? (Locksmiths are prevalent in our area, breaking a window works, and what about the son-in-law helping when he gets home? You need me for what exactly? Yeah, dumb question.)

I wished her luck in finding a way back inside. She left after that.

I mean really, acting like a teenaged prom queen in heat at a kid's playground is kinda ridiculous. You wanna get laid lady? Go hit the nearest sports bar, I'm sure you'll find plenty of takers. Remember, the closer to closing time you go there, the better luck you'll have.

I ain't interested. Don't need or want the hassle.

Sex just isn't so overriding important that we need to mess our lives up for it. It never has been either, despite what the most currently popular soap opera shows. Believe me, there is no Hawaiian disease known as "Lackofnookee". If you're a married guy and ain't "getting any" at home, wandering off for some sex will only make your life interesting in ways you won't like.

Let's be clear about things too, it's always about sex. "My wife doesn't understand me. Unlike every other married man I've known there is no one to turn to. Poor, poor, pitiful me. " is pure unadulterated bullshit. Men are from Mars and women from Venus. That means there are a lot of "misunderstandings". Women are the civilizing influence in our society. Thats why they believe sex involves romance, candlelight, soft music and scented sheets. Guys just want about three feet of open space, "wham, bam, thank you ma'm and thats that. Now, what's on TV and we got anything decent to eat?"

So that lack of understanding is common and cuts both ways. Deal with it and get yourself a dog if you have to be "understood".

Keep it in your pants when you're away from home. You'll be thankful in the long run.


Mary Ellen/Nunly said...

I've just told my kids, regarding marriage, just don't think it will be one big date. It's hard work.

I've been married almost 38 years and married only once. It's not easy, it's very hard work and often times I feel like I'm just hanging on by my fingernails. Marriage is not for wimps.

Subvet said...

Mary Ellen/Nunly, amen to that!

Adrienne said...

Well said, Sub.

There are so many factors at play in today's world with the way we treat marriage - feminism, people remaining adolescents until they're 40 years old, no fault divorce, contraception, and on and on.

I like what Billy Graham said about other women. In his entire life he was never alone with a women other than his wife. Not once. More Catholics should be taught about the "near occasion of sin."

Subvet said...

Adrienne, thanks. I completely understand what Billy Graham was talking about. Too often I've heard either a man or woman relate how they'd come to spend a fair amount of time with someone of the opposite sex who was "just a friend". The next thing anyone knew, they were climbing into bed together and afterward plaintively wondering "how did that happen" as their marriage fell apart.

WomanHonorThyself said...

thanks for the honesty SUB...and more power to you and your new found deserve it!

ignorant redneck said...

Exellent! And Adrienne is corect, we need to keep in mind the near occasion of sin.

Subvet said...

WHT, thanks for the kind words.

Subvet said...

IR, thanks. Yep, that "near occasion of sin" is what trips us up all too often. It's a problem with pride, the thinking being "I can resist the Devil, I'm stronger & smarter." Doesn't quite work out that way.

Rick said...

Thanks for sharing. It reinforces my convictions.

Gospace said...

Been 33 years now for me. Long courtship- we met in January, married in August. We talked about all the important things
-before- thinking about getting married. Going though the required pre-cana to get hitched in the Church (after the civil cermoony) was an eyeopener.

Not for us per se, but watching all those other couples who didn't have a clue.

"How many kids do you want?

She- 3
He- 2
She- 3
He- 2
She- 3!
He- Well, I'll just get cut after the first two.
She- I hope you'll love the third one as much as if it were your own.

True conversation during the pre-cana. Ours went-

She- A bunch
Me- Whatever happens, happens.

Ended up 5.

Now that I'm an "old guy" I sometimes have young people I work with come up and ask me, "I don't know if I should get married to him (her). What do you think?"
I always answer, "If you have to ask the question, the answer is no."

And I get to watch young marriages break up because mostly because one party want a girl(boy)friend who isn't his(her) wife(husband). You got one, you can't have the other one be different. Agree with you 100% on that.

Subvet said...

Harold, congratulations on 33 years. Pretty safe to say you and the wife are in it for the long haul.

Regarding that conversation from the preCana conference, I'd be willing to bet there have been a heck of a lot more "marriages" like that than not. The Church should learn to say "no" to such definite candidates for the divorce courts. Unfortunately it doesn't, so we have the present situation.

Subvet said...

Rick, glad to help!

MightyMom said...

just letting you know I turned the thermstat up while you were 75!! ;-)

Subvet said...

MM, I'll have to find out how to lock that thing.

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