...or ask your mother, and tell her I said "hello"!

MAY 6--A Transportation Security Administration screener is facing an assault rap after he allegedly beat a co-worker who joked about the size of the man's genitalia after he walked through a security scanner...

The rest of the story is here; http://www.thesmokinggun.com/archive/years/2010/0506101tsa1.html

This guy evidently never served on subs, aboard them you grow a thick skin PDQ for personal insults. It's a big game everybody plays and the guy who easily loses his cool gets picked on the most. Pretty personal at times too, one standard conversation would begin;

Q. Got any naked pictures of your sister/mother/wife/fiancee?

A. NO!

Q. Want some?

A better example would happen when some guy let it be known his wife was pregnant;

Q. I hear the missus is expecting, that right?

A. Yep!

Q. Any idea who the father is?

In this "head game" that went on 24/7 you had to be able to take it as well as give it. That was proven on my first "Usetafish" when an E4 A-ganger (aka knuckle dragger/grease monkey/snipe) kept ragging the ship's yeoman (aka scribe/clerk/head paper pusher) about having his stuffed Kermit stolen.

The A-ganger didn't think it was funny though when someone took his teddy bear. He went all the way to the Captain with his complaint! Maybe the Polaroid snapshots left on his bunk showing "Teddy" with a knife to his throat was what did it. I don't know. For the record, I NEVER had any stuffed animals!

I wonder what it would be like to command a nuclear powered vessel with enough firepower to turn any nation into a sheet of glass, then have to get involved in a dispute where some guy lost his teddy bear. Must be disheartening at times. "I've spent 20 plus years in the canoe club for this shit." would be a likely thought.

No, I don't make this shit up. Both of the guys mentioned went on to the pay grade of E9 which is the highest enlisted grade you can attain. Go figure.

As you might surmise, this constant war of the nerves was a way to relieve boredom. Riding a boat can be like riding a bus that has it's windows painted over. After a few weeks it gets damned boring. You'll do the most unbelievable things, like the crew that had the "Phone-a-fart" contest. But that's the stuff of another post.

So when someone would start slamming a guy about the size of his "package" the right response might be to wonder if the viewer was "trolling".

But my favorite comeback was, "It isn't the length of the wand, it's the magic of the magician. Just ask your wife if you don't believe me!"