Are you a Turtle?

Back in my drinking days I was a proud member of the Turtles. For anyone not familiar with it, the Turtles had very easy membership rules. When asked, "Are you a Turtle?" the correct answer would be, "YOU BET YOUR SWEET ASS I AM!". If you weren't a member you became one by answering three questions. The questions would vary but all had in common the idea that the correct answers were NOT vulgar. That could be the tricky part. Anyone not knowing the answers would be given them and thus still join that elite drinking society (did you think it was a choral group?).

Recently my son started preschool and the classes they assign the kids to are named after animals. You guessed it, my son is in the Turtle class. I'm steadlily trying to teach him how to answer the question, "Are you a Turtle" with an age appropriate answer, (YOU BET YOUR BIPPY I AM).

Hey I have to keep his mother, the War Department, happy. And myself out of trouble.

Listed below are the various questions I'd mentioned. Remember, the answer has to be clean. I'll publish those in a day or so.

1) What does a woman do sitting down that a man does standing up and a dog does on three legs?

2) What word begins with "F" and ends with "UCK"?

3) What's hairy, hard and sticks out of a man's pajamas at night?

4) What four letter word ends in "K" and means intercourse?

5) What is it that a cow has four of and a woman only two?

6) What goes in hard but comes out soft and wet?

7) What does a dog do that a man steps into?

8) What can you find in a man's pants that is about six inches long, has a head on it, and that women love so much they often blow?

9) What is the word that is four letters long, ends in u-n-t that is used to describe a woman?

10) What four letter word begins with "F" and ends with "K", and if you can't get one you can use your hands?

11) What is hard, about six inches long, has two nuts and can make a girl fat?

12) What four letter word ends in i-t and is found on the bottom of bird cages?

13) What is it that all men have one of, that is longer on some men than others, that the Pope doesn't use, and that a man gives his wife after they're married?

14) What is it on a man that gets very large when he gets excited?

15) What is long, round, wet and full of seamen?