Today's trip to the tooth fairy...

I took my son out of his elementary school this morning so he'd visit the dentist for his scheduled cleaning.

I signed him out at the receptionist desk, the receptionist saw us leave the building.

Two hours later I signed him back in, same receptionist at the desk, now in the company of the principal who listens in to our conversation and nods like a bobblehead doll the entire time.

RECEPTIONIST: Sir did you get a doctor's note to excuse your son's absence?

ME: No, is it necessary?

RECEPTIONIST: Yes, we'll need one. You can have them fax it to us if you'd like.

ME: (biting tongue, remembering not to shoot any messengers today) Okay. Thank you.

I then bade my boy goodbye and he ran off back to class. I hope he always likes school so much.

So I go home and double check with the wife if a note is necessary. She's more familiar with this sort of thing, both from being a hell of a lot younger than I and from being a pediatric nurse who dealt with schools and their idiotic requirements.

Yep, need a note. The parent's word cannot be trusted. The little darling needs a note to excuse his time absent from school. Too much unexcused time and he'll be doing makeup classes on Saturdays. There was actually a kindergarten kid at this school who had to attend those classes, I wonder what the hell you could fail to learn in kindergarten? Maybe how to stay within the lines while coloring, who the hell really knows?

So I then have the following conversation with the wife. I know just a little bit about the laws regarding homeschooling here in Texas, I was looking into it at one time. Here we go:

ME: So let me get this straight. I need a note to justify taking our son out to get his teeth cleaned because good God almighty, the word of a parent in this situation just can't be trusted. But if we were home schooling our kids I could take him to strip clubs every damned day of the week and no one would check on it when I called it a biology field trip?

WIFE: That's the law.

ME: Whoever is responsible for this idiocy needs a job more in line with their abilities. I hear McDonalds is hiring.

WIFE: (Boy, that woman hears a lot of crap!) That's the law passed by the state, the school has nothing to do with it.

ME: Makes no difference.

WIFE: At least we're in a school that still has CHRISTMAS trees, our children go on CHRISTMAS vacation and they're allowed to exchange CHRISTMAS cards with their classmates!

ME: For how much longer?

WIFE: (She works nights and was getting tired, and not just with listening to my whining.) G'nite, I'd tell you to have a good day but you've already made other plans.

Like a good little drone I got the fax number from the school and called the dentist, his receptionist very cheerfully assented to sending a note.

The good Lord only knows what the requirements would be in other states besides Texas. Maybe you put up a bond in order to take your kid to the dentist. I really don't want to know.