Regarding the "Myth of Childhood"
Anthony S, Layne has a great post up titled "Protecting The Myth of Childhood". I recommend clicking the hyperlink and checking it out.
He makes a lot of good points, especially regarding our present day tendency to shield our children (no matter what their age) from the consequences of their actions.
Concerning that, I'm reminded of a conversation with my father-in-law and his enthusiastic support of Obamacare. The man felt it was an absolute travesty that his 26 year old daughter couldn't be carried on his medical insurance. So universal healthcare would fix that problem. The same daughter only recently moved out of the house for the first time in her life (apartment less than ten miles from the parents) and until the age of 24 had worked as the clerk at a local video game arcade (where her normal duties included scraping the gum stuck by patrons to the bottom of the machines). She finally got a real job, working in data processing. A bona fide case of arrested development and she knew it, as proved by a conversation with my wife where she stated, "I know I've been fed with a silver spoon all my life. But I LIKE being fed with a silver spoon!"
Ugh!
Disclaimer time: my wife grew up with her mother, spending a good part of her childhood in the Oak Cliff section of Dallas (the wrong side of the tracks). Not too much like her sister. No silver spoon there.
Saying that though, I think we can't just assume any individual of whatever age has the necessary maturity/backbone to resist all predators. I've known middle aged men who were "street smart" and tough as nails in other areas but let some cute little gold digging "honey" just wink at them and they'd cheerfully sell their souls.
We all have to look out for each other, parents do that by instructing their children in the ways of our world and hoping once they're alone those lessons will "take". But like it or not, everybody will get burned by con artists some time in their lives. As parents we try to minimize it but it has to be with the knowledge we can't cover all bases.
Where this all ties into the predatory priest problem was that it came from an unexpected quarter. NOBODY would have thought a man of God would stoop to such depraved acts (at least that would have been the thinking). More often than not, priests of the time the abuses happened were viewed with Bing Crosby's "Going My Way" & "Bells of St Mary's" characters in mind.
So whereas children would have been cautioned to never talk to strangers, accept rides from them, etc. they were also taught that "Father is a man of God, therefore he can be trusted."
Nope. Didn't work out that way.
But we no longer have to worry about childhood innocence predisposing our kids to being the victims of sexual predators. Thanks to our present culture they're sexually "aware" and ready to take off into the realms of carnal adventure well before they leave the nest. In this I'm reminded of a recent conversation with the wife (RN) about teen girls and a reluctance on their part to disclose a bleeding from their rectums. Turns out it's a common problem, brought about by being willingly sodomized.
Once again, "UGH"!
I wonder if the decline of priests sexually abusing minors during the last couple of decades is due as much to an adolescent disdain for advances from clerics as it is from a better grade of priests in the Church.
That comes off as cynical, but like my wife I haven't had a lot of experience with silver spoons.
To wrap this up, childhood should be a time of innocence and (as much as possible) laughter & fun. School kids don't need exposure to the evils of the world, they'll get it all too soon. But as with everything else, there can be too much of a good thing.
Parenthood is a balancing act. You don't get an instruction manual given to you in the delivery room on how to raise the perfect kid. You go on your own experiences and mistakes, trying to make things better but at the same time encouraging independence. You give your child roots and wings.
Lots of luck with that to any fellow parents of young children. You're gonna need it.
I'd end with a YouTube video of this song, unfortunately I couldn't find one. It's an Anne Murray tune (shoot me, I've been a big fan of hers over the years). But here are the lyrics, they pretty well capture how raising a child ought to go:
He makes a lot of good points, especially regarding our present day tendency to shield our children (no matter what their age) from the consequences of their actions.
Concerning that, I'm reminded of a conversation with my father-in-law and his enthusiastic support of Obamacare. The man felt it was an absolute travesty that his 26 year old daughter couldn't be carried on his medical insurance. So universal healthcare would fix that problem. The same daughter only recently moved out of the house for the first time in her life (apartment less than ten miles from the parents) and until the age of 24 had worked as the clerk at a local video game arcade (where her normal duties included scraping the gum stuck by patrons to the bottom of the machines). She finally got a real job, working in data processing. A bona fide case of arrested development and she knew it, as proved by a conversation with my wife where she stated, "I know I've been fed with a silver spoon all my life. But I LIKE being fed with a silver spoon!"
Ugh!
Disclaimer time: my wife grew up with her mother, spending a good part of her childhood in the Oak Cliff section of Dallas (the wrong side of the tracks). Not too much like her sister. No silver spoon there.
Saying that though, I think we can't just assume any individual of whatever age has the necessary maturity/backbone to resist all predators. I've known middle aged men who were "street smart" and tough as nails in other areas but let some cute little gold digging "honey" just wink at them and they'd cheerfully sell their souls.
We all have to look out for each other, parents do that by instructing their children in the ways of our world and hoping once they're alone those lessons will "take". But like it or not, everybody will get burned by con artists some time in their lives. As parents we try to minimize it but it has to be with the knowledge we can't cover all bases.
Where this all ties into the predatory priest problem was that it came from an unexpected quarter. NOBODY would have thought a man of God would stoop to such depraved acts (at least that would have been the thinking). More often than not, priests of the time the abuses happened were viewed with Bing Crosby's "Going My Way" & "Bells of St Mary's" characters in mind.
So whereas children would have been cautioned to never talk to strangers, accept rides from them, etc. they were also taught that "Father is a man of God, therefore he can be trusted."
Nope. Didn't work out that way.
But we no longer have to worry about childhood innocence predisposing our kids to being the victims of sexual predators. Thanks to our present culture they're sexually "aware" and ready to take off into the realms of carnal adventure well before they leave the nest. In this I'm reminded of a recent conversation with the wife (RN) about teen girls and a reluctance on their part to disclose a bleeding from their rectums. Turns out it's a common problem, brought about by being willingly sodomized.
Once again, "UGH"!
I wonder if the decline of priests sexually abusing minors during the last couple of decades is due as much to an adolescent disdain for advances from clerics as it is from a better grade of priests in the Church.
That comes off as cynical, but like my wife I haven't had a lot of experience with silver spoons.
To wrap this up, childhood should be a time of innocence and (as much as possible) laughter & fun. School kids don't need exposure to the evils of the world, they'll get it all too soon. But as with everything else, there can be too much of a good thing.
Parenthood is a balancing act. You don't get an instruction manual given to you in the delivery room on how to raise the perfect kid. You go on your own experiences and mistakes, trying to make things better but at the same time encouraging independence. You give your child roots and wings.
Lots of luck with that to any fellow parents of young children. You're gonna need it.
I'd end with a YouTube video of this song, unfortunately I couldn't find one. It's an Anne Murray tune (shoot me, I've been a big fan of hers over the years). But here are the lyrics, they pretty well capture how raising a child ought to go:
Roots and Wings
Flying down the street on my American Ace
I was fast on my feet or flat on my face,
Testing my freedom from that day on
Runnin' down the wind all the way back home
That bike you gave me was one of my favorite things
That day I discovered you'd given me roots and wings.
Chorus:
Roots and wings, gifts of love
Holding me strong and lifting me up
Child of the earth and a rider of the wind
A dreamer of dreams caught in between roots and wings.
You weren't standing in my way when I was 18
Letting your heart break and letting me leave
I was headin' my Chevy for the great unknown
Knowing you'd be waiting at the end of that road
Sometimes you've doubted the wisdom of my foolish dreams
You never once denied me my roots and wings.
Chorus:
Roots and wings, gifts of love
Holding me strong and lifting me up
Child of the earth and a rider of the wind
A dreamer of dreams caught in between roots and wings.
Now part of me wants to stay close to the ground
And part of me wants to never come down.
Chorus:
Roots and wings, gifts of love
Holding me strong and lifting me up
Child of the earth and a rider of the wind
A dreamer of dreams caught in between roots and wings...
10 comments:
I see where you're coming from, and believe me, I'm not suggesting making childhood a time of misery and woe! :^)=)
And you're right — there's no "one size fits all" solution. But we can look at general principles, and your story about the daughter who "likes being fed with a silver spoon" I think is a case in point of what I'm talking about.
There's a severe imbalance between the "not enough play time" of the older generation of adults and the "too much play time" of the current generation of male slackers. But that's another rant entirely. Thing is, I really believe we can teach kids to be adult without ruining the childhood experience. But we do have to realize that childhood comes to an end.
Thanks for the link, 'Vet.
Anthony, thanks for the response. It seems we're basically on the same page. As for the link, we both know that site hits are the name of the game!
"Thanks to our present culture they're sexually "aware" and ready to take off into the realms of carnal adventure well before they leave the nest."
And yet, talk of Christ's dying on the cross is too 'severe', telling our children that their misbehaving offends Jesus is too 'harsh'. It is a backwards world indeed when we cannot talk about Christ's sacrifice because it is too 'much for little minds' and yet they are dressing like little whores/pimps (at parents' urging). I think when we stopped telling our children about sin, death, judgment, heaven and hell; they started being spoiled brats.
And I would say, unfortunately, I wasn't having that conversation about sin and death and dying with my children until my mom passed away and I had to do it overnight. Not pleasant.
Failure to Launch so seems to coincide with the "velvet cage" method of child rearing!
Thanks for a great post. I've parents upset that their kids were convicted of crimes, and say that the victims were worthless, and they had not sympathy for them--their kid didn't deserve jail over them.
Yeah--my kids are as mean as everybody else's little shits, and my grand kids too.
People need to take theri own lumps, not because they aregrown up, but because that's how you grow up.
The Ranter, yep the kids are too sensitive to deal with the topic of God but so mature and worldly when it comes to sex & depravity. You're hitting the nail on the head about keeping them informed regarding death, sin, etc. Thats a first step in teaching them the fact of consequences for are actions.
IR, the old saying of "if you're gonna do the crime be prepared to do the time" doesn't get much play these days. I don't know how many AA meetings I've gone to where someone will speak and begin making excuses for their drinking. The ones who make the most excuses are the ones who go back out and get drunk the quickest.
And drunks are no different in the area of shirking blame than anyone else, we just have more practice than most.
There is nothing more difficult that raising children, imo. Like you said, it's a balancing act and no matter how good a job you do, there's always some slimeball out there waiting to destroy everything you've done.
Last weekend my 11 year old granddaughter was playing at my house with her little friend that lives downs the street from us. Her friend is a couple of years younger than her and I think my granddaughter likes playing with her because they play with dolls, ride their scooters or bikes, and just do "kid" things. When with her friends at school, that would be considered 'baby-ish' and she wouldn't fit it with the 'cool crowd'.
And don't even get me started on what they are selling for kids clothes these days....they are dressing little girls like hookers now. My granddaughter is not allowed to wear that stuff! Society just will not allow kids to be kids...and on the other hand, society also makes kids think that they can have whatever they want without working for it.
Biggest danger to kids these days, imo...Disney. Pole dancing Miley Cyrus as a role model? Not good.
Your kids can only be as perfect as you are;)
My kids are screwed...
The Ranter! absolutely correct!
PattyinCT....ayupp...no hope for mine either! haha
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