Our First Lady and our appetites...

First, who the hell elected this bimbo for anything except to be some rather dubious eye candy at state functions? I don't recall her name on the election ballot.

Next, just why should anyone listen to a self proclaimed crusader against obesity? Hey, those of us who are fat know it's not good. It places a strain on the back and knees (two items that always seem to go south as we get older), bad for the heart and makes the mumu a necessity for women and bib overalls the same for men. Got it. Being fat might be the result of prosperity but it looks like hell at the beach. Okay. Noted.

But I don't need the government acting like my mother. I've already got one of those. I need the government to help insure my basic freedoms and after that they should butt out.

It seems everyone wants to get in the act too, like lemmings playing "follow the leader" and with the same lack of thought. My three year old daughter's Catholic preschool sent a note home recently extolling the virtues of "healthy food choices". As I told the wife, they're helping me to remember why I liked public schools so much as a kid. Yeah, the public schools push it too, but nothing like their private counterparts.

Let's face it, the metabolism of your average child thrives on junk. They're kind of like the DeLorean that Michael J. Fox rode in "Back To The Future". Remember the closing scenes where Christopher Lloyd was dumping garbage into the "Mr. Fusion" device that mounted atop the engine? Next thing you knew, he fired that puppy up and they flew off into the future.

The metabolism of children is like that, slop that would solidify my arteries just fuels our three children into warp speed as they burn it all off at play. Try feeding them carrots, cauliflower and tofu and the little darlings go into revolt. By revolt I'm talking French-Revolution-complete-with-the-guillotine type revolt. The thought of my daughter as Madame Defarge is scary.

On a related note, one of the reasons I'd like to see New Jersey's Governor Christie nominated for President is he's as fat as a house. Smart, prolife, favors small government and his ass is three axe handles wide. Let's vote for someone who looks like us instead of these skinny assed liberal fools who would disappear if they turned sideways.

Seriously, my experience has been that fat blue collar workers are more often acquainted with hard work than thin yuppies. That experience translates into a greater likelihood of having common sense. Case in point, my oldest son (now 26 yrs. of age) lost a lot of his nonsensical attitudes once he had to work for his living. He still routinely parks his head up his ass, but things have improved since entering the work force.

So let's pack the First Lady off her fat fighting pulpit and send her back to the White House kitchen where she can make dinner time miserable for her family. She wasn't elected for squat and needs to be reminded of that before single handedly making double bacon cheeseburgers extinct.

Now excuse me, I've some cookies to bake for my kids. They really like the double chocolate truffles I made last week, the mint chocolate ice cream not so much.

Thin might be in, but fat is where it's at.